I don’t want to end up like this…

old and wasted men,

young yet wasted boys

stimulate their shriveled, limp organs with caffeine, alcohol and drugs.

pumping out words of authority to any who appear to listen

hoping you and life will conform to the dry, hollowness of brittle bones.

speaking loudly so they can hear themselves over the clamour and stench of other masculine diseases

while the women old and girls young, s i g h, and turn away.

the risks too high and the possibility of love

…negligible.

it seems they prefer to waste and shrink alone,

until they too, dry up and disappear

3 ways to guarantee you won’t get laid unless you pay

1. Over-indulging in drugs, alcohol or cigarettes.
   

   Why…take a look at the tabloids for living and verifiable proof that a bio-chemical reaction from drugs, alcohol and cigarettes will eventually desensitize your body and better judgment. Creating a feeling of numbness and a distance between you and all that was good. Tell me, what is the point of sex? Is it not to feel, to taste, to see, to hear, to smell, to touch, to merge, transcend, receive and release? A total orgy of the senses? Of course it is and more if you are willing to go there. Do drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and sex mix well? Only if you and your partner like to slobber each other silly. No drug or drink is strong enough to numb out any morning after feelings of guilt or disgust. Guys a sure fire recipe for a pickled wiener is to drown it in booze or paralyze it with smoked or inhaled neurotoxins. Have you ever tried a canned cocktail wieners? Man, they are just down right vile. And they don’t sell. Check out the grocery store shelves, cans covered with dust and flashing a neon sticker “Reduced to Clear.” When you know who you are…you will treat yourself well. Choose life enhancing ingredients that boost your energy and confidence naturally.

2. Dirty, smelly clothes, body odour including cheap or copious amounts of perfume or cologne.
   

   Please shower or bath or at the very least hand wash your pits, genitals, face and feet. These are the main stink zones. Facial and body hair collect smells. After you sweat your body might smelling funky.Bathing yourself in perfume or cologne is not an acceptable replacement for scrubbing down with clean water! Did you know that almost all fragrance, perfume, cologne and aftershaves are chemically produced? Dozens of chemicals, many not thoroughly tested for their affects on humans, engineered with proprietary formulas. People who are sensitive to these chemical blends may react with a headache, sneezing and/or coughing. It happened to me, my date looked fabulous and was well-groomed but I commenced sneezing as soon as the cologne waifed up my nostrils. The date was only 30 seconds old, and I knew I was in for a rough ride. I contemplated retreat but thought my date would be hurt so, I stuck it out. I felt horrible the whole time and couldn’t wait to get some fresh air or to douse my date in a shower. The latter could have been fun, but I simply did not feel sexual or attractive. I don’t think anyone does, when mucus is draining down your throat or flying out your nostrils. Smells affect our emotional state and can bring up memories. Our sense of smell is as powerful as it is personal. What might smell sweet to your nose, is a stinky turn-off to me. Possibility of making it when you stink, zero to none. Oh yeah, don’t forget to brush your teeth, unless you are an Ogre!

3. The constant eye scan for hotter, younger, newer, older, richer or WHATEVER!
   

   Announces to the world that you have the attention span of a two year old. Keep your eyes and thoughts focused on your date or partner. You know the one who took time out of their life to be with you. Guys your ability to focus will translate into staying power in the bedroom! Are you willing to give up your title of the Five Second Wonder? Gals who focus are more alive and fun in the bedroom. Why? Because they are present in both body and mind. Girls the gig is up. Your “to do list” can wait!

 

3 places to go alone, feel good and maybe even meet someone new.

Best thing you can do, get off your sorry butt and step away from your computer! Online sites have a purpose but are you actually physically meeting anyone? Some people are addicted to the attention ~ and their ego or internet identity has no intention of pursuing a serious relationship. You can spend hours and waste days feeding an idealized fantasy world.

1. Get outside, walk. Pick a trail, path, sidewalk and use it. I can guarantee you will see other people walking by themselves. Be brave, smile at a few. If you are ready for hero status, say hello. Key point to being a hero, you don’t expect anything in return.

2. Visit your city or town’s main library. Best bet here is to grab a seat (no! no not his, I meant the chair) in the the newspaper and magazine division. This area is usually set up lounge style, with comfy sofas and padded chairs. Grab your favourite daily or show that intriguing possibility sitting across from you what you like to do. Whether you enjoy golf, riding Harley’s, organic gardening, kayaking, epicurian delights or body building, there is a high chance a magazine exists for the likes of you and your hobbies.

Please remember you are in a quiet zone, thus you must be prepared to take action. The library is not the place to strike up a deep conversation. You must find a commonality; like a hobby, interest or activity. And always, always scope the scene out first. Is the person there with a significant other? Check for wedding rings; and depending on someone’s culture rings can be worn on either left or right ring fingers. Still not sure, use that as your in. Bring along a pen and pad of paper. Write a short note and hand it over discreetly. Almost everyone likes to be flattered. Comment on their good taste, based on what they are reading. Inquire in your note whether they are single and if she/he would like to chat over a coffee. Your treat. Be prepared for anything, you may be shut out or he/she could gather up their belongings and say “I know this fabulous coffee shop, around the corner, shall we?” The key is to respect everyone’s boundaries including the other guests in the library.

The best thing about the library, singles don’t stand out here, everyone reads alone.

3. Head over to your local coffee/tea shop. You don’t have to drink coffee or tea. You can also get juices, smoothies, water and snacks. Most coffee shops provide free newspapers and magazines. Or bring your own book, laptop, wireless toy, crossword or Sudoku puzzle. If you truly want to meet other people you will not be listening to your Ipod or MP3. Love your tunes but avoid insulating yourself. When you hook up and must travel with music and technology you are effectively and clearly saying “leave me alone. ” And so you are left alone and always will be until you make yourself available and tune in to the reality happening around you.

Great thing about coffee shops…lots of people traffic, frequent turnover and many are traveling solo.

Smiles work wonders!

Just watch for the sharks…but that is another story.